Real Talk...

Happy Monday, all. Hope the start to your week has been fabulous! (As fabulous as a Monday can be, of course). Earlier this week, I started to wonder about what to wear to my upcoming 10 year high school reunion. I was a total nerd in high school -- awkward, gawky, lanky. I still am all of those things of course, now I know how to own it. Honestly? I wouldn't do high school again if you paid me. I had an incredibly hard time there and just don't think I would put myself through that again. This decade of time has allowed me the distance I needed to see myself how I really am and not as some label. It helps that the friends I made there and the 28 and 29 year olds I know everyone to be now, help me and allow me to fall back on the humor that I tended to use as a defense mechanism.

I'll be honest -- there's a part of me that is scared out of my damn mind to walk into that room in 3 weeks and immediately regress to how I was at 15. That I'll feel lame and terrible and judged. Being 29, single and recently jobless is a hard pill to swallow. However, I think that's me in my head (as I am wont to do) and making up these crazy scenarios of shit that will happen. I know that I have grown to be a dependable, funny, intelligent woman (who don't need no man? I'm sorry, that was ridiculous).

Judging from that picture above, I also clearly know how to clean up well. I know that most of what I think is going to happen, won't. The fear helps, as crazy as that sounds. The 15 year old inside of me that still thinks I'm a 4 eyed nerd (which, DUH. I am. I'll own the shit out of that) who no one will ever like, creeps up from time to time. Much like now, when I think about being in a room full of people that I haven't seen since 2004. She doesn't make herself known a lot, usually I can shut her up with some wine and some serious real talk. Because honestly, the only person who thinks that about me now, is me (or Lord Jesus Christ, I hope so. I'M A DAMN DELIGHT). 

Learning how to be at peace and how to own the hell out of myself has allowed me to take steps to the woman I know I am and can be. I know that the people I have talked to now and since don't still see the Tara that I sometimes do, and I am so grateful for that. Seriously, you will never know how grateful. Now, I think I can walk in, with my head held high and own that room like I was born to. Or, I'll just head straight for the bar. Either one has a likelihood to happen. :)

                                                       (What I decided on wearing to my reunion).