Honesty.

Hi! Remember me? Let's be friends again, mmmk? And I'm going to get us back on track by being SUPER honest with you. Seriously, truth bombs will be dropped all over the place.

I've always been a fairly anxious person. If fairly means incredibly. Since I was a kid, anxiety has cropped up in a myriad of different ways. It was always something that I thought would lessen with age. Not really how that works. In fact, it's only gotten worse with age. My anxiety has prevented me from doing things with friends, family, all kinds of things. And unless you've been there, you don't really understand it. There's so many different kinds of anxiety. It seemed that mine was mostly social. And within the last few months, that anxiety has reached heights I didn't think possible. Because you see, it's not just anxiety that I struggle with, there's bits of depression in there too.

I've always been so ashamed to admit that I would struggle with depression, because I thought admitting that showed weakness. I thought it showed that I wasn't strong, that I couldn't handle what life thought to throw my way. Up until very recently, I kept sweeping my feelings under the rug, telling myself there's nothing wrong, nothing to worry about. Than I had a terrible anxiety/panic attack (whatever you want to call it) a few weeks ago, which was my sign that things needed to change. I was sobbing uncontrollably, I felt out of control and not myself. There was always a small part of me that thought I should probably be taking medication to regulate my anxiety and to get it under control, but I never listened. Because again, admitting that would be admitting there was something wrong with me. And who wants to acknowledge their faults? But you know what? Realizing that you want to better yourself and take care of yourself is not a fault. It's a priority. Your physical, mental and emotional health are of the utmost importance. Like I always say, YOU DO YOU. Your health should not be placed on the back burner because you're embarrassed/ashamed, what have you. By putting yourself first, you're not only indicating that you care enough to give the most important person (yourself, if you didn't pick up on that) the best life possible, but that you care enough about the people in your life to give them the best you possible.

Today, I went and got myself a prescription for Paxil. I'm not going to hide behind it, I will own the hell out of it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. If you feel like something is a bit off, don't brush it aside. Don't ignore it. Listen to your gut. It won't steer you wrong, I promise.

Travel Tuesdays: A Bit of A Shakeup

Happy Tuesday, you beautiful unicorns. We're now halfway through the week! Jesus, it's nice to say that on a Tuesday. :) Normally, Tuesdays are Travel Tuesdays, but I wanted to shake it up a bit this week. We'll still be talking about travel (and next week, we'll get back to actual, physical locations), but today I wanted to delve a bit into traveling through life (I'm so deep and profound, I know).

I think I got my quarter life crisis a little late. It's hitting at an age when most people I know are already happily settled (whether in jobs, with families, what have you). For me, I always thought by the time I reached 28, I'd be married with at least one kid. No kids to speak of, and I'm fairly sure I'm not married (Vegas 4 years ago was a blur). In all honesty, I don't think I'm where I'm supposed to be. Physically, mentally, et al. I don't think I'm meant for small town Illinois. I don't think I'm meant to be a paralegal forever. The dreams I have for myself reach far and wide. Right now, I'm just traveling through life unaware of what I want to be when I grow up. I know with my deep love of reading and books, that publishing is a field that really speaks to me. And where are you going to find publishing companies? Big cities. I've always felt like more of a city girl than a country gal. The country has never done much for me. I love being able to go out and explore. Find restaurants, museums, little holes in the wall, bookstores that I can make my own.

It's becoming increasingly more difficult for me to keep telling myself I'm happy where I am. Because though I have a wonderful family and fantastic friends, my soul just doesn't feel right. And you have to do what makes your soul happy. Your life should be a journey that makes you happy and fulfills you. And while I'm very happy and fulfilled in terms of the people I surround myself with, I know there's more out there calling for me. I just need to go find it.

Tell me, are you traveling through your life the way you thought you would be 10 years ago?