Never Gone Long

Every time I sign in to this blog and begin a post, I lose the will about two paragraphs in and just give up, and I'm not sure why that is. This blog has been a really safe space for me -- it has allowed me to be honest about topics that I'm not sure I would have had the courage to be honest about before. I've had so many people tell me that they enjoy it, that they think I have something of real substance to say. It has allowed me to open up about mental health, about my experiences with single-shaming, about the love and goodness I can't believe I get to be surrounded by. And I want to continue on with it, I do. I will. The last few months have just been an odd head space for me. I don't want to chalk it up to turning 30, because honestly, I really love being in a new decade (for the 8 weeks I've been in one). My 20's were really up and down in a way that I don't miss -- personally, professionally, drunken textedly (don't worry, that's a word -- I've spoken to Noah Webster).

I think a part of it is that I still feel like a 14 year old masquerading as an adult. Does that feeling ever really go away? Probably not. And I'd really not like to regress back to my 14 year old self, she was not kind to herself. AT ALL. She still comes out though, sometimes. Especially when I see or speak to people I grew up with. And I have no idea what to do with that. You always want to play it cool when you see people who knew you when you had braces and no self-esteem to speak of. I always like to think I'm being so blase and chill (cannot pull off that word. Can't do it), then I get home and lipstick was smeared or a button was open. Or, honestly, the guaranteed 'Tara Huntley Method of Not Being Chill Even A Little Bit:' Engaging in small talk and laughing really oddly at something that's not even remotely humorous, like someone telling you that their chosen vocation is a bank teller. I laugh because I'm super uncomfortable. And because small talk is right up there with bad grammar on my list of mortal enemies. And clearly, this happens when talking to good looking men, because of course it does. Because God or the Great Aretha Franklin or whomever, has chosen to look me over when they handed out the 'this is how you talk to another human being in a way that isn't awkward' genes. 

It's a process I am constantly working on. A process that I get more comfortable with as time passes. Just like I'm getting more comfortable with the fact that people genuinely think I'm funny or something approaching not hideous to look at (but really, I'm super adorable, I think we all know that). We all have our own processes, our own ways of dealing with our idiosyncrasies and neuroses. I just like to write mine down, because it helps me realize how ridiculous I can be sometimes. Though my feelings are valid and I certainly am entitled to them, seeing them in front of me allows me to put it all in perspective. It allows me to find the fortitude to tell myself 'look, you're clearly not happy, do something about it.' 

So, while I may abandon this blog for stretches at a time, it's never for good. At least until I ride off into the sunset with Tom Hiddleston, which should be happening any day now. 

Dirty Thirty

Two weeks from today will be my 30th birthday (say WHAAAATTT). So many people have asked me how I feel about it; if I'm scared, yada yada yada (All those questions one expects when a big birthday or life event occurs). And my answer is always the same, "I'm looking forward to it." That's not a lie, I really am. While I do think it's incredibly surreal, and that I should still be 17 years old, I really am stoked to enter a new decade. My 20's have been very up and down, personally, professionally, mentally, emotionally. I was never one that wanted to settle down in my 20's. While I do want that for myself very much one day, I don't think my 20's would have been the most conducive time. I'm still trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and I don't think I could have done that knowing others relied on me. Which, I'm sure to some, sounds incredibly selfish. It does to me sometimes, too. I've just always had a very deep fear that had I settled down in my 20's, I would wake up 30 years later, roll over to the person next to me and have a very visceral reaction of "WHAT IN THE SAM HELL." I've always felt I would carry a lot of resentment. That's not to say that those who did find their person and start their families in their 20's didn't do what's right for them. I'm just saying that for me, it's best that this all comes a bit later down the road.

I always felt when I was younger that I would be hitting this new decade with a husband and a family. And, honestly, I'm glad that I'm not. I wish I could tell the girl that thought those ideas that actually, where you are at 30, is a lot better. I'm surrounded by so much love and friendship and laughter that it almost makes me feel unworthy. What did I do to have these amazing people in my life? Seriously, dudes. It's ridiculous.

The last few years has seen me cut out the bullshit, the negative people, the people who are a drain on my time and energy. I've become someone who is starting to become a little more comfortable with the phrase "GFY." Maybe not necessarily said in those exact words, but the sentiment is the same. I don't allow people to speak to me in a way, that 5 years ago, I would have without a second thought. I've learned that being a people pleaser, while having it's positive sides, is doing no one any favors. I've learned that "No, thank you" is a complete sentence, no explanation necessary.

Most importantly, I've learned that people can only make me feel terrible if I let them, if I hand them that power. While there are quite a few people who I have let go of, who no longer have a place in my life, I still wish them well. I'm not such a monster that I wouldn't want good things for people, even if our friendship ran its course. I want good things for everyone that has crossed my path. Being a human can be terrible, and we need to realize people are rooting for us. Maybe I am rooting for you while simultaneously giving you the finger, but that's neither here nor there. ;) All I'm saying is that I'm learning not to hold on to such resentment and anger. To let it go, let it be and give it to God or Dolly Parton, or whichever deity you choose to believe in.

So, let's do this 30 -- I can't wait.

About to Get Real...

I hope you beauties had a wonderful weekend! I was lucky enough to start mine out with a long visit with a great girlfriend. You know, the kind of friend you can go months without seeing, but the second you're back together, it's like no time has passed at all? The best kinds of friends.

(Via Spirit Science)

It was so nice to unload and share things that I didn't even realize I was feeling. Incredibly cathartic, and hopefully, it will start allowing me to move forward without trying to take on everyone else's worries and problems; instead, focusing on my own. Our talk consisted of everything old friends chat and catch up about, but the one area that really struck me the most was about letting go, realizing that how hard I'm working at this plan I've got in my head, may be interfering with some other "greater" plan. Now, I've never been a deeply religious nor spiritual person. It's just never been something that I've had any kind of interest in or connection to. I suppose, there have been certain moments or occurrences in life that have made me go "WHAT IN THE SAM HELL WAS THAT?" but, never enough that I thought to go further into it. 

And, in case you haven't met me, I have a very hard time letting things go. I tend to internalize until it's just not healthy at all, and everything comes out in one absurdly emotional crescendo. I'm attempting to work on it, but it's something that's not going to happen overnight. However, hearing it worded in a way that I hadn't before, helped me to realize that while I can still work on the plan I have, that maybe there's also room for another plan. Perhaps I'm not getting these jobs for a reason, or I'm not meeting the love of my life right now because I'm just not ready yet. It really lets me look at my life from a different perspective and say "Okay, what do YOU really want? What's going to make YOU happy?" Because, I gotta tell you, unless you're making a concerted effort to focus on you and your happiness, the rest just isn't going to matter as much. 

The last few months, I've noticed myself detaching more and more from people and places. And each time, I think I need to offer an explanation. But, I don't. I go places or do things because I think it will make others happy, without any regard for whether it makes me happy. And that has got to change. I can't keep doing things for the sake of others, that's just BS. I feel that's a huge reason why my anxiety has been in such flux lately. I'm focusing on trying not to let others become upset with me instead of just saying, "You know what? Nah. This isn't something I want to do/see/share/crochet, " what have you. Hopefully, as I enter my 30's, 'no' is a word I'll become more familiar with and not be so afraid of. 

This has now gotten to be the size of a small novel. If you've made it this far -- congratulations! Have a wonderful start to your week and I promise the next post will be a bit more lighthearted. :) 

Putting On My Big Girl Pants

I had a whole paragraph written out on "Oh, woe is me, can't find a job, let's be a Debbie Downer." But, what does that accomplish, really? Does it sucketh mightily? Uh, yes. Yes it does. But, hopefully this is just a small bump in the road. I'm a firm believer that if you have everything handed to you, the reward isn't as sweet. Now I know that the struggle will hopefully reap the benefits. #thestruggleisreal, ya'll (I have a side job as a Britney Spears impersonator).

It does open you up to so many possibilities and options, considering work and career paths I would never have dreamed of. And honestly, I don't need to make a ton of money. I would so much rather be doing something I absolutely looooove and being able to pay my bills. That's all I need. Money for bills and the occasional vacation. Because, honestly? I would be a horrible rich person. Just THE WORST. There's a reality show for you. You're welcome, networks!

While I do admit that trying to be upbeat about this all the time just isn't plausible (there's been many crying nights where I wish I could cuddle up to someone and bitch and cry it out), I do feel a weird sense of something good. It really allows you to step outside of yourself and see how you would handle all of life's ridiculous BS that it throws. Some days are better than others. And honestly, I'm not stuck in a dead end job that I hate. I'm opening myself up to art museums and hospitals and so many other avenues.

But, above all else, I've realized, when I feel like I can't go through this another day, that guess what? I can. Because, the below quote is something I'm going to tattoo on my forehead (pardon the language).

Ladies, even if you’re not feeling like it today, you are a fucking warrior princess who’s hella beautiful and totally kickass. Slay babies slay, you got this.

(Source: capturingcompassion, via pink-pineapple-dann)

Let A Girl Live Her Life

This weekend was incredibly needed. A girlfriend of mine from EIU came down, and it was so nice to spend the weekend being a tourist in my own town. Though our plans to see Trainwreck kind of derailed (BOOM! Nailed it!), because it seemed half of Edwardsville was lined up at the movie theater, the rest of the weekend was fantastic. We even spent last night hanging out with my parents. :) 

Today was spent beefing up the security and privacy on my Facebook page, and seemingly finding out that people think I'm a huge lush! Look, I understand that I joke about wine quite a bit, because these last few months have been rough. But, I don't have my head constantly under the nozzle of Franzia in my fridge. And to insinuate that you think that's all I do, just doesn't sit well with me. Also, of course everything you read on social media is true and really happened. No one falsifies or embellishes on there at all. Clearly, I tend to internalize, and don't speak up until everything comes to a head, but Jesus -- if all you think I am is the bottom of a wine glass, than clearly, we don't need to be fixtures in each others' lives. Bye, Felicia (I cannot pull that off, why do I even try?). 

I don't know why this bothers(ed) me so much, but it has. I know I shouldn't let the opinions of those who I don't have a really close friendship with to begin with bother me, but look, I'm also the type of gal who freaks out when her very set routine gets disrupted  -- THAT'S JUST WHO I AM AS A HUMAN. Let a girl live her life, man. Or honestly, I need to sing the song of my people, and tell myself not to let the bastards get me down. 

What I preach to others, I need to remember to preach to myself as well. Life is short -- eat the cake, drink the wine, don't be fake and it will all be fine (seriously, who do I speak to at Hallmark? My pun and rhyme game is ON FIRE). Happy Sunday Funday!

A "Could I Write A Book" Test Post....

I'm not even going to apologize. I'll just say you are all beautiful and that color looks divine on you.

I go back and forth every day about whether to post, whether I have anything of substance to say. But, I have to say, these last few months, I've actually had quite a few people tell me they think I should write a book. It's always been something that's been in the back of my mind. I mean, I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I think I'm pretty decently funny. Well, I make myself laugh. To have people that I haven't seen in years, inbox me on Facebook to tell me they think I'm hilarious? I'm sorry -- but my 14 year old self is basically doing the happiest of dances.

These last few months, being jobless, have been ROUGH (What a segue, huh? I have totally got this book thing nailed!). So, I do what I always do when I get nervous, make uncomfortable jokes while downing a cheap box of wine. GLASS. I MEANT GLASS. Which, while not only therapeutic, has also given me a foundation for a book (which will also have 87 chapters on "DON'T EVER DATE A DUDE WHO WEARS THE HOOD OF HIS HOODIE ON HIS HEAD THE ENTIRE DINNER." Look, it's just a very important lesson). I'll probably also go into the importance of having a song that really lights your fire. For example, mine is the 1981 Carl Carlton classic "She's A Bad Mama Jama."

We all just need to realize life just doesn't mess around sometimes. I'd even go so far as to say it's a bitch, but look, I just don't need that karma. Also, when did "Do you have a boyfriend?" become "Are you married?" I'm sorry ---- WHAT? My idea of cooking is putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave, what makes you think I'm ready to devote THE REST OF MY LIFE to the love and caring of someone? I cannot even make that kind of devotion to a People magazine subscription at this current time of my life. Please check yourself before you wreck yourself. And can we stop on the dating website suggestions? I really don't want to end up in the back of some dude's trunk. Which, I'm sure is not as real of a worry as I'm making it, but I have seen Dateline, you guys. I HAVE SEEN IT.

I just wish more people understood that at 29, you can be single and happy. Look, I fixed a kitchen cabinet today ALL BY MYSELF. Which, honestly...I'm going to be dining out on that for a long time. Your life goals don't have to look like everyone else's. I just want to be able to have money in the bank to pay my bills and surround myself with people who don't use their menus as coasters. Which may just be the title of this book, "People Who Use Their Menus as Coasters ARE THE WORST: A Sequel to Catcher In The Rye." Nailed it.

Weekend Catch Up

Hope all of you beauties had a wonderful long weekend! I'm so glad that the weather decided to hold out and time could be spent soaking up some much needed sun. My weekend was relatively tame, as I started it off by heading to Office Max to buy a planner (don't threaten me with a good time!). Office supplies are the best, and I don't trust people who don't think so.

Saturday, Ma and I headed to walk an errand or two, and then stopped to walk through Bonifest. I ended up heading back over there that night to hang out with some girlfriends, and ran into probably 786 people. I think that's always the case at town events. Sunday, I headed to a fish fry in Holiday Shores with some friends and had such a great time -- trust me to be the one to hightail it straight to the puppy and the baby.

Yesterday ended up being my first lake day of the year! Worried that it was going to rain all day, I had plans to curl up on the couch with Netflix. So glad the sun was out, and I headed to the Shores again for some Marina sitting and boat riding. Perfect way to cap off the weekend!

I absolutely LOVE getting to see friends that I don't see very often. Who doesn't? Back into the swing of things this week -- be strong, beauties, it's only a 4 day week! :)

Back to School, Back to School....

As of Monday, it's official --- this girl is heading to grad school! I am so excited and absolutely delighted that life seems to be getting itself on track. I've always been someone who has enjoyed school and being in an academic environment, and I cannot wait to jump back in. Tara Huntley, M.P.A has THE BEST ring to it, don't you think?

Also, if anyone is interested, some girlfriends of mine and I do an online book club via a group on Facebook, Beyond the Bindings. This month's selection is The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins. We would love to have you join us! 

Stay warm and cozy today, beauties. Where did May go? Sheesh. Though honestly, I can't pretend I don't absolutely LOVE this weather. Cold and rainy days are my favorite days. 

Weekend Update

Happy Monday, beauties! I have to start out by saying, I'm pretty sure I just mastered the top knot. Which, I'm sure no one cares about but me, but I AM DELIGHTED. Every time I threw my hair up, I would end up looking like I'd just come out of a 4 day bender. Today though, I conquered it! So, you know, celebrate amongst yourselves.

I hope everyone has had wonderful weekends and are starting to get out and enjoy the beauuuutiful weather before it turns into the depths of hell. Mine was a quiet one, hung out with Mummy and did some laundry....I live wildly. I may have also climbed a tree, just because I feel like channeling your inner 7 year old is important sometimes.

I also did something rare for me this weekend, I started 2 books at once (look, I already stated above I live wildly. What did you think I was going to say---I robbed a bank?). I've never been one to read more than one book at a time, as I like to focus all my energy into the world I'm reading about. But, Mummy and I stopped by the library this weekend and I can't walk out of any book selling or renting establishment empty handed. There was a biography on Billie Holiday that I couldn't walk away from, so that has been added to my pile along with finishing up The Royal We. That's just my "currently reading" pile. My TBR (or To Be Read) pile looks like a small Barnes & Noble. I'd say I'm easily at 50, and those are just the books I actually own. 

What are the books currently sitting in your TBR pile? I'm anxious to know if I need to add yet another....or 67. 

Please Still Love Me....

Alright, there really is no excuse this time. This time, I got lazy. Every time I would sit down to write something, I just couldn't get anything to flow. I couldn't articulate anything of any real substance, so I figured, "what's the point?" A week became a month, and I almost wanted to give up. What was there to write about anymore? I don't want to post just for the sake of posting. I want my blog to be about things I care about and that make me happy.

So, if it's been a few days and I haven't posted, please feel free to kick my booty into gear. There is so much fantastic stuff out there that needs to be talked about and discussed and dissected, and I can't wait to get into it. Until then, let's all remember my favorite mantra to get myself through a difficult day.

Happy Friday, beauties.

Miss Me?

Sorry for the radio silence, beauties! Life got in the way. Hopefully I'm now back and ready to give my blog the love and attention it needs. I suppose the biggest news that's happened is that I finally decided to go back to grad school. I applied at SIUE for my Masters in Public Administration. My goal is to ultimately work for a non-profit. I've toyed with the idea of going back to school for a long time and am so glad I decided to finally bite the bullet. I've always done well in an academic environment and was one of those nerds who always liked school. I am incredibly happy and excited, as I think I'm finally doing what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. 

I promise I won't abandon you for so long, again! Till next time. 

Women's History Month: Jeannette Rankin

It's Tuesday, and that means it's time for another badass woman to spotlight. Today, we're looking at Jeannette Rankin, the first woman to serve in the United States Congress.

                                              (Credit: Biography)

Born in Montana on June 11, 1880, Rankin was the oldest of six children, who had a reputation for doing things that, at the time, girls just didn't do. She would often help the ranch hands with their machinery, and once, actually built a sidewalk single-handedly, to help her father rent a building.

Graduating in 1902 from the University of Montana with a bachelor's degree in Biology, Rankin was undecided on where to go next. She attempted both furniture design and dressmaking, though neither one was right for her. From 1908-1909, she attended the New York School of Philanthropy, and afterwards moved to Spokane, Washington. There, she worked as a social worker for a short amount of time, before attending the University of Washington and involving herself in the woman's suffrage movement.

Elected to the House of Representatives in 1916, she stated that "I may be the first woman member of Congress, but I won't be the last." She served two terms in Congress, both coinciding with each World War. She helped pass the 19th Amendment, giving women the right to vote, and was the only member of Congress who voted against declaring war on Japan after the 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor.

After her terms in Congress, Rankin did a lot of traveling, especially to India, where she studied the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi. As the second wave of feminism began to take shape in the 1960's and 70's, Rankin was seen as an inspiration and in 1968, the Jeannette Rankin Brigade was formed by a coalition of women's peace groups. 

Passing away at the age of 92 in 1973, Rankin's legacy rests largely on her pacifism. Though, as she herself said, "I want to be remembered as the only woman who ever voted to give women the right to vote." 

Women's History Month: Anna Freud

Happy Thursday, beauties! And Happy Women's History Month! Today, the spotlight will be on Anna Freud, daughter of Sigmund and the founder of child psychoanalysis. 

                                    (Arriving in Paris in 1938, with her father).
                                                  (Credit: BBC News)

Born in Vienna on December 3, 1895, Anna was the last of Sigmund and Martha Freud's six children. Though not extremely close with her mother or siblings, Anna did have a close bond with her father. It was through this bond that she was first introduced to psychoanalysis at the age of 14. Not really one for school, Anna learned more from her father and his guests at their home, picking up languages such as German, French and Italian. 

In 1918, Anna began psychoanalysis with her father, and started to become seriously involved in his profession. In 1922, her analysis was completed, when she then presented a paper to the Vienna Psychoanalytic Society, and became a member. She began her own practice in 1923, dedicated to the psychoanalysis of children, and two years later, was teaching at the Vienna Psychoanalytic Training Institute. Anna was secretary of the International Psychoanalytical Association from 1925 to 1934, continuing her work with children and conducting seminars and conferences. 

Due to the Nazi harassment of Jews in Vienna, the Freud's fled to London in 1938. She continued her work in London while simultaneously caring for her father, who succumbed to cancer in the fall of 1939. Shortly thereafter, during World War II, Anna set up a center for young victims of war called the Hampstead War Nursery, where children would get foster care. Due to her work with Hampstead, Anna published a series of studies on the impact that stress has on children and the ability to find affections when their parents could not give them. 

From the 1950's onward, Anna would travel to America, giving lectures and teaching. In 1959, she became a Foreign Honorary Member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. She also taught seminars on crime and family at Yale Law School in the 1970's, leading to Beyond the Best Interests of the Child, published in 1973 with Joseph Goldstein and Albert Solnit. 

Anna Freud passed away on October 9, 1982 in London. A year later, in 1983, her collected works were published, and a year after that, in 1984, the Hampstead center was renamed the "Anna Freud Center." Her home in London became the Freud Museum, per her wishes, and is dedicated to her father. 

                                               (Credit: Glogster)

Women's History Month: Victoria Woodhull

Since March is Women's History Month (yay, we get a whole month! *sense the sarcasm*), I thought that each Tuesday and Thursday throughout the month, I would spotlight a woman (or group of women) that might not get the coverage that she/they deserve(s). She might be a woman who is currently a dynamo in her chosen field, or she might be a woman who, 200 years ago, kicked ass and took names (which I'm fairly sure was a prevalent phrase then). 

Before I spotlight today's beauty, a little background on Women's History Month: In 1981, Congress passed Pub. L. 97-28, which asked the President to designate the week of March 7, 1982 as "Women's History Week." It became "Women's History Month" in 1987, after being petitioned by the Women's History Project. You can read much more information about how it came to pass and the glorious women who it celebrates by visiting the Women's History Month website. 

                                                              Victoria Woodhull

I feel it's only fitting to start this series off with the first female to run for the United States Presidency, hash tag like a boss. Born in 1838, in Homer, Ohio, Victoria Woodhull created a radical publication entitled Woodhull and Claflin's Weekly, in which a number of different activist topics, such as free love, women's suffrage and birth control, were discussed. Interestingly, the publication was the first to publish the full English translation of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto. 

Woodhull married Canning Woodhull at the age of 15, with whom she had two children. They later divorced and Woodhull remarried, to a Colonel James H. Blood in 1864, who introduced her to several reform movements. Victoria and Blood divorced in 1876, and she then married a wealthy English banker, John Biddulph Martin, in 1883. Before she ran for the Presidency, Woodhull and her sister, Tennessee Celeste Claflin, started the first female-run stock brokerage company with the help of Cornelius Vanderbilt, who, recently widowed, appreciated the solace Woodhull and her sister provided, therefore setting the sisters up in business. 

As she sought a way to become more politically active, Woodhull started the Equal Rights Party and soon after, ran for the Presidency in 1872 on the party's ticket, long before women even had the right to vote. The election quickly took a disastrous turn and she publicly fought her critics in Weekly. 

Moving to England in 1877, Woodhull focused on her writing and even published a magazine with her daughter for nine years, The Humanitarian. Dying in 1927, Woodhull was a jack of all trades, and a strong proponent of the rights of women. If you want to read more about this incredible woman, 9 Things You Should Know About Victoria Woodhull, is an excellent place to start. 

                                                      (Credit: New York Historical Society)

Monday Monday...

There are quite a few things that I tolerate in life, but judging women for deciding to stay at home with their children is certainly not one of them. This morning, while doing my morning Facebook perusal, I came across a status of someone who I thought was an absolute advocate for women. What I read instead, broke my heart and resulted in an immediate deletion and blocking. Not only did this person judge women for deciding to stay at home to raise their children, they then judged them for going back to school or work after their children were grown, with comments I won't deign to retype here. You cannot call yourself an advocate for women's rights when you degrade an entire segment of the female population for doing what they believe is the right thing for them and their family. That's utter BS. I don't have time for women who belittle other women. Plain and simple. 

                                                     (Preach, girl.)

On a lighter note, happy March! This month will be the one year anniversary of this little section of the Internet and I am so pleased. The response I have had to my blog has been so kind and wonderful and I am delighted that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. I'm so looking forward to another year of feminist rants, hot British dudes, lady friends and preaching positivity in all aspects of life. 

Enjoy your Monday, beauties!

Ladyfriend Thursday: Miranda Hart

I must first start out this post by saying that if you haven't yet seen The Imitation Game, you need to immediately. It's such a wonderful, heartbreaking, beautiful movie. Put it on your "to see" list ASAP. 

Ladyfriend Thursday is finally back! I can hear your screams of delight from here! And I want to get back into the swing of things with a current favorite of mine, Miranda Hart, who is most well known for her eponymous BBC sitcom, Miranda and as Chummy on Call the Midwife. I just purchased her book "Is It Just Me?" and I cannot wait to get started! I have a massive crush on this chick. 

I've always been drawn to funny women, but especially to women who own the hell out of themselves and their awkwardness. I find her to be such a relatable woman and whenever I find myself a bit sad, hers is the first show I turn on. There are very few people who can make me laugh so hard that I fail at being able to complete a coherent sentence, but Miranda Hart is certainly one of them. Does anyone have any ideas about how to go about becoming her best friend? Because---YES. ALL OF THE YES. If I were able to have a dream dinner party, she would definitely be on the guest list. 

What about you, beauties? Who are the women that are topping the list for your dream dinner parties? Let me know in the comments, I would love to hear! 

Bits and Pieces....

Thank you to everyone who understood where I was coming from on the social media front. Facebook has just gotten a little tiring for me, and not everything has to be documented for posterity. I'm not getting rid of it, just cutting down my usage and only posting when some big life event occurs, like a new job or I marry Prince Harry after a whirlwind courtship.

Who watched the Parks and Rec series finale last night? That show will always be first in friendship in my heart. The whole cast was on Late Night with Seth Meyers afterwards, which was wonderful. AND they ended the interview with a cast sing-a-long of "5,000 Candles in the Wind!" We will miss you in the saddest fashion, Pawnee. 

Tomorrow, I'm heading to see The Imitation Game with my uncle, and I cannot wait! I've heard such wonderful things about the movie and am anxious to see it. Plus, girl likes herself a big ol' bucket of popcorn for lunch (YOU'RE WELCOME, MOTHER). Review forthcoming. :) 

I know this post is a bit all over place, I WILL get back to posts that aren't ridiculous tomorrow, with a new Ladyfriend Thursday! I can feel your excitement from here. :)

A "throw it at the wall and see what sticks" kind of Tuesday...

Thank you to all of the kind and wonderful responses to yesterday's post. It really makes me happy to know I'm not alone in ever having feeling that way. I'll try to make today's post a bit more cheerful. 

Is anyone else getting super tired of Facebook? I love it as a way to stay in touch with friends and family, and to be a total lurker when I want to be, but it's starting to get a bit monotonous. And I've found in the last few weeks, that I've gotten pretty heavily offended. Look, I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but when you're putting certain INCREDIBLY graphic images on your feed or claiming you've been hacked and then just laughing it off, it's a bit ridiculous. Especially when you're quite a bit older than my generation (okay, perhaps I am a bit of a Penelope Prude, DEAL). Now, when I feel myself wanting to be a creeper on social media, I try to pick up a book instead or turn to Netflix. In fact, I'll only be alerting my new posts on my blog's Facebook page now, not on my personal page anymore. So, please like it if you haven't already!

Finally started Parenthood yesterday and what a treasure it already is. (Fun fact: I had originally typed that without italicizing it. No worries, NOT YET A MOTHER. To my knowledge). In addition to the "classic books to read" list I just made in my phone, I also put a "Netflix Bingewatch" edition. So, my cool factor has raised pretty exponentially. 

Tonight is the series finale of Parks and Recreation, and I don't think I'm emotionally prepared. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Pawnee, Indiana and all of it's eccentricities yet! SIGH. The wine will be out in full force.

Also, I don't know how many of you watch Downton Abbey, but Lady Edith is on Instagram! Or, more accurately, Laura Carmichael, the actress who portrays her is. I am currently delighted.

Until tomorrow, beauties! Stay warm and cozy. 

When the Oscars Hit You in the Feels....

I think the cold has fried my brain, I just haven't been able to work up the energy to post this last week. MY APOLOGIES.

Last night was, of course, the Oscars, and I loved everything about it (thank you to my Aunt Lori and Uncle Beav for hosting a wonderful party!). I thought Neil Patrick Harris did a wonderful job; Lady Gaga's Sound of Music medley was beautiful and wonderful; the fashions were on point; but, most importantly, the speeches were so heartfelt. There was one in particular that really stood out for me. Graham Moore, who won for Best Adapted Screenplay for The Imitation Game (which I'm hoping to see this week), used his time to praise those who feel as though they may be weird or different.

Stay with me, because things might take a turn for the emotional. First, please watch the speech in full. My words won't be able to do it justice. 

Growing up, I was weird. I was different. I was made fun of because I was skinny, because I didn't wear lots of make up, because I wore glasses. I never felt like I fit in with anyone. Sure, I had friends. But, I never felt like I had that one specific set of friends that is always a constant in your life at that time. I felt that way for longer than I care to admit (well into my 20's. WELL INTO THEM). For me, I think it started in middle school (and to this day, if anyone tells me they weren't awkward at 14, I punch them in the throat). I never felt like I belonged, never felt that I had anything to really offer. I'll be honest with you, I'm almost 30 and have never once, been in a successful long term relationship. What that says about me, I don't know that I really care to know. 

I write posts like this because I want people to know that it gets better. When you feel like you don't have anything to offer, when you feel like you don't belong, it sucks. It is a terrible, gut wrenching feeling. I'm not kidding -- now, when people tell me that they think I'm funny or that they want to hang out with me, it actually blows my mind. I want to say, "are you sure?" I'm still awkward, I'm still weird, I'm still different. But now, I own it. I own the shit out of it. I realize that I have something very specific to offer the universe (new age-y I know, BEAR WITH ME). I'm here because there's something only I can do, something only I can offer. And the same is true of every single person on this planet. We're all just trying our best to get through this life, whether we use Jesus, booze, or books to help us with that. Being and weird and different is such a blessing. 

It has taken me nearly all of my 20's to be comfortable with myself, to own what 15 years ago, mortified me. And honestly, if people are making fun of you because you're not wearing the right shirt or shoes, then screw them. Surround yourself with people who want the best for you and lift you to be the best version of yourself that you can. I preach this so much, and there's a reason. I know this post is quickly becoming novel length, but it's so important. It's so important that you realize how special you are. Everyone that is reading this makes me so happy and delighted, and fills my heart with such love (especially if you've made it this far! Congrats!). 

I have written this through a cloud of tears (and maybe a shot or two of vodka. I SAID MAYBE!). Getting in touch with my younger self is not something I do too often, because 14 year old Tara was not kind to herself. Exposing myself like this is incredibly rough, but if it helps even one person realize their weirdness is a blessing, than I will tear my heart open every day (figuratively, of course. I'm not a monster).  It's so important to use our time here to be kind to each other. To realize that we don't ever know what's really going on with someone else. The best we can do is offer a helping hand. 

It's important that you never let anyone change who you really are, deep down inside, that person you are when you're alone. Because that person is wonderful and smart and beautiful and has a lot to offer. 

31 Day Challenge -- 9 Lives

I'm going to take a bit more freedom with this challenge, because some of these clearly appeal to me more than others, and because I want to really work on my writing (LUCKY YOU). When I first found this challenge via Pinterest, the one that stuck out the most was #17: Other Lives I'd want to live if I had 9 lives. I've always had people tell me they feel I'm a bit of an old soul, which I think is why the challenge spoke to me as much as it did. I've always felt I might have fared better had I been born 30, 40, 60 years ago. Well, 'fared better,' might not be the right term. But, I certainly would have fit in better. 

9 lives seems like a lot, but I think I'm up to the task. :) 

1. I would LOVE to have been a flapper in the 1920's. Dancing the Charleston, flouting societal mores and drinking alcohol despite Prohibition. Flappers tend to have been more outlandish and reckless than I currently am, which is something I would be incredibly interested to tap into. Plus, those dresses? SIGN ME UP. 

2. In that same vein, I would have loved to have been part of the Lost Generation, coming of age during the first World War. To be around such literary masterminds as Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Stein is a dream come true for a book nerd like myself. The conversations that would be happening is enough to stop my book loving heart. It's why Midnight in Paris is one of my favorite movies. I could live in it. Referencing the post- war, expatriate generation and coined by Gertrude Stein, I don't think you could find a better life to live.

3. I'd also like to take a crack at being a Girl Friday for a newspaper in the 1940's. Ummmm....YES PLEASE. Plus, those outfits. Yes. All of the yes. The fast paced aspects of all that it would entail is certainly right up my alley. 

4. Any life in which I'd get to be friends with Audrey Hepburn. 

5. Any life in which I'd get to be BFF's with Gilda Radner. 

6. Any life in which I could dance with Gene Kelly. 

7. Being a flower child, hippie of the 60's also holds a bit of an appeal. Not only because the music is AMAZING, but the chance to hear Joplin or Hendrix live? I would have been at Woodstock in a heartbeat.

8. I've been on a bit of a classics binge lately in terms of what I'm reading, so being a character in a Jane Austen novel always holds quite a bit of appeal for me. Or, at least exploring the English countryside in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries with a Mr. Darcy like fellow. 

9. Any life in which Jimmy Stewart narrates by voiceover. 

What about you, beauties? What lives would you be interested in? I'd be delighted to hear! Hope you're all staying warm and cozy!

Current Netflix Binges

Finally! I know there are a lot of people who hate the snow and all the delays and obstacles it can present, but there's something so peaceful about the first big snowfall of the year. It also helps when you don't have anywhere to be. To anyone that had to get out in this today, please be safe! Watch out for the idiots on the road who suddenly forget all semblance of how to drive and take your time (I AM YOUR MOTHER).

For those of us staying nice and cozy inside, I've compiled a new list of Netflix binges. It's been awhile since my last compilation and I have come across some great finds since then!

First, I didn't realize Netflix had Lifetime movies (you learn something new every day). I'm not usually a big watcher, but I came across Magic Beyond Words: The JK Rowling Story,  and William & Kate, a movie clearly about William Henry Harrison and Kate Winslet (or not, but how great would that be? Someone get on that time traveling BFF story IMMEDIATELY). While obviously not wonders of cinematic greatness, they're still perfect for snowy days at home. As a big fan of both Kate Middleton's hair and the adventures of wizards, these were right up my alley; and chances are, if you're reading this blog, they might be right up yours as well.

I am ashamed to admit how long it took me to FINALLY finish the next show on the list, Friday Night Lights. This show has permanently landed on my all time favorite shows list (TEXAS FOREVER). Well acted, well written and well-Connie Britton'ed (which is a thing in my world), this is a show that you'll find yourself continually going back to, if not for the greatness that is Coach and Tami, than for Tim Riggins. I wasn't sure I'd like a show depicting life in a football crazed small Texas town, but crazier things have happened (like that whole Landry/Tyra Season 2 storyline). 

Finally, because if I'm not watching at least one British/Australian show at a time than I'm not really living, is Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries. YOU GUYS. This is THE BEST. I can't believe I just found out about it. The show tells the story of a glamorous lady detective in 1920's Australia and just for the costumes alone, you need to watch. More importantly, it depicts a strong, brazen woman who doesn't need to explain herself to anyone at a time when women were either maids, wives or mothers. Phryne Fisher is one of the first feminists, which is another reason I'm so drawn to the show. I legitimately want to live inside of this television show, it's opulence is that breath taking. 

Any recommendations for what to watch next, beauties? I'm currently making my way through the aforementioned Miss Fisher, and also am trying to get into Hart of Dixie, the Rachel Bilson show about life in Bluebell, Alabama. It's......charming? I'm only 2 episodes in, so it's bound to pick up from here. I'd love to hear what shows you're currently hooked on! 

Stay warm, dry and cozy this week! 

31 Day Challenge (Day 8) -- Random Quirks

Today's challenge is "random quirks of mine." I'll try to whittle this list down as much as I can, because I'm nothing if not an extremely quirky broad.

1-- I constantly correct people's grammar, because I'm not a fan of morons. #wayharshTai

2-- I always carry a book in my purse. You never know when you'll be stuck waiting. 

3-- Unless I'm wearing a pair of boots, I don't wear socks. They creep me out for some reason and I hate the feel of them. 

4-- Birds are the worst and I have an intense fear of them. Want me to never speak to you again? Gift me with a bird and see how far I run.

5-- If fried shrimp is on the menu, I will order it. I don't care if we're at a Mexican restaurant. I don't stray far from my tried and true favorites.

6 -- I don't go to clubs. Bars/pubs -- ABSOLUTELY. Any place where the music can be described as "techno BS," no thanks. I'm out. 

7-- I will not eat cottage cheese. Are you serious? The texture of that is THE WORST. 

8-- When I'm making something like toasted ravs, they have to be in even numbers. 

9-- If I'm doing something that requires quite a bit of concentration, I tend to hold my tongue between my teeth. I thank my grandfather for this one. :) 

10. -- It is physically impossible for me to walk out of a bookstore empty handed. It cannot be done.

What about you, beauties? What are some of your random quirks? Any as ridiculous as mine? Don't worry, this is a safe space. No judgment! 

31 Day Challenge -- Day 7

Today's challenge is "reasons to be happy." A welcome challenge, after the last couple of days of Debbie Downer. I hesitate to make this post sound like an after school special, but I'm afraid it might veer into that territory a bit. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.

1. Finally surrounding myself with strong women who's values and morals line up with my own. I'm not about to claim that I'm Prudish Penelope, by any stretch of the imagination. But, the last few months have been a wake up call as to who I spend my time with. Female relationships are so important and I'm glad that I've had the experiences I have had. However, I'm even more glad that I decided enough was enough and surrounded myself with the ladies who fill my heart with laughter. Women who I know are supposed to be in my life, and I hope will always be. 

2. BOOKS. So many books. My living room currently looks like the inside of a Barnes & Noble and I am delighted. Coming home to a huge stack of books and a glass of wine, for me, is the absolute pinnacle of happiness. 

3. Netflix binges. This might be a weird bullet point, but hear me out. The last few months, being unemployed, have taken a toll on my psyche a bit. There are days where you almost just want to say 'screw it,' and move to a tent on the beach. Allowing myself a bit of escapism through Netflix, has been known to calm me the hell down and take me out of my mind a bit. After I FINALLY finished Friday Night Lights (Texas Forever), I'm now back to finishing The West Wing and starting Broadchurch, because if I'm not watching at least one British series at a time, I'm not living. 

4. My family. Which is such a given. 

5. Making lots of little things to look forward to. This is one is probably my favorite. Sometimes life just really kicks you in the behind, and you need something to get you through the day/week/month/or even your year. ;) (PS-- Not getting that reference results in an automatic loss of friendship). It's why I drag out watching shows on Netflix, like House of Cards or Orange is the New Black, so I have something to look forward to at the end of a crappy day. Life is already hard enough as it is, might as well make it as enjoyable as you can. Plus, knowing I have a dinner and drinks date or a new book to look forward to, makes me that much more productive, so I can enjoy it sooner.

6. Learning how to say no and standing up for myself has been the biggest lesson I've learned this year. It has allowed me to cut out the BS and really live the life I want for myself (look, I warned you at the beginning this would take a turn). In the immortal words of one Ms. Liz Lemon: 

31 Day Challenge -- Day 6

In case you missed it, I did a surprise Sunday post last night! It's rare, but it happens. Today's challenge is "pet peeves." Dear baby Jesus, this could be 79 pages long. THERE ARE SO MANY. 

1-- Poor grammar. Look, with everything available at our fingertips these days with technology and what have you, there is NO EXCUSE for misspelled words, numbers in words, or any of that middle school girl BS. I don't understand people who just don't care to come off as uneducated idiots. How much time does it save you to cut down an already 3 letter word to one? I mean, are you kidding me? Jesus. You make me weep for humanity. And it's not necessarily people of my generation, it's people who are 20-30 years OLDER. I mean, COME ON. I just don't understand why people are so lax with their communications. And if you don't know how to spell a word? Let me introduce you to this wonderful website, it's called Google. Or dictionary.com. It will even give you the definition! Also, definitely does NOT have an A and ridiculous does not have an E. Thank you and good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

2-- People who use social media as a platform to proclaim their "love" for their significant other incessantly. I think it's wonderful that you have someone that makes you happy. That's wonderful! Good for you! Mazel. But, when you do nothing with your Facebook or Instagram or Myface except to fill it with posts about how "great and wonderful" your SO is, let me take this time to call you out on your BS. I don't know who you think you're kidding, but it's painfully obvious to everyone on your feed that something isn't right. People in healthy, functioning relationships don't parade their love around. Text messages exist for a reason. Take the work you're putting into making everyone THINK you're happy and use it to actually make yourself happy. In whatever capacity that entails.

3-- People who don't use their blinkers. Contrary to popular belief, I am not telepathic. I cannot read your mind. I know! Weird, right? So, it would be just a delight if you could remember that your blinker isn't there for decoration, but to let the people behind you know what you're doing, so they don't have to brake suddenly. 

4-- The constant barrage of "Why are you single?" questions. I am single because I WANT TO BE. Because I haven't met someone that has made me go "Huh, you're a game changer, dude." I don't tolerate bullshit. I did for a long time, because I didn't care enough about myself. My standards are quite high, and I don't apologize for that. Unless and until you can make me feel that my life would be enhanced by you being in it, I'm perfectly content with books, booze and my amazing lady friends. Society needs to stop making women feel terrible because they're not married by a certain age. I will settle down when I feel that it's the best thing for me. I do very much want that for myself one day; a husband, a family. But, I WILL NOT settle. So, shut your face and let me do me for now. 

Well, I think that's enough "peevish" Tara for today. :) What are some of your pet peeves, beauties? Please share! 

Happy Monday! 

31 Day Challenge -- Day 5

Excuse the jumping ahead, but I just didn't think I could get through an entire post about my favorite animals (elephants, if you must know). Which puts us at #5, fears. If you had posed this to me a year ago, the answer would probably be much different. While some of the fears are the same, a lot has changed. But, you will never get me over my fear of birds. THAT IS HERE FOR A LIFETIME. It even has a name, ornithophobia. Ugh. Screw you, birds. SCREW YOU. 

I used to be afraid of ending up alone, of never finding the great love of my life. Now, while a bit of that fear stills lays latent, it's more about never finding the person who loves me like I love me. The last few years have been such a wake up call as to the men who I surround myself with. Ugh, some men are THE WORST. I think what I'm actually most afraid of is settling. I'm terrified that I'm going to settle just because 30 is around the corner and I haven't married yet. I am legitimately terrified of waking up one morning 20 years from now, rolling over and having the thought. "Ugh, you? SERIOUSLY?" 

And believe me, I can tell that there is some super judgment coming from people who are already married. I can almost see it rolling off of them. It's not even necessarily people my age, but when I'm continually asked if I'm seeing someone and than get the almost non-distinct eye roll when my answer is negative, it takes a lot of my strength not to punch you. 

A lot of other things scare me: the thought of never being a mother, of never finding a job I love, never getting to see the world and travel, and if I do get to be a mother, of raising my kids in a culture that denies BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS, just so many other things that would take pages and pages to fill up.

What are some of your fears, beauties? Fear of the unknown? Fear of flying? Fear of a world run by old white men who think they have any authority over your body? Fear of a post-Tina Fey/Amy Poehler Golden Globes hosting world? Share in the comments. We can get through this together. ;)

31 Day Challenge -- Day 3

Things I would do if I were brave? Oh man, do you have a year? I have a list a mile long of things I would do if I were braveR. I think the label of this particular challenge could have been worded a bit differently. Brave means different things to different people, and I think there have been plenty of times in my life where I've been brave, but had I been braveR? Now, that's a different story. 

Outside of the obvious jumping out of airplanes or swimming with sharks; if I were braver, I think the one thing I would want to do most is walk up to someone and tell them exactly how their treatment made me feel. I do have more than one person in mind, both males and females. I've never been one to lay my feelings out on the table if you've pissed me off or wronged me in some way. I tend to internalize and hold on to those emotions, later manifesting itself in a storm of anger/sadness. So for me to lay my cards on the table with someone, for me anyways, takes pretty much all the bravery I have. I have allowed people to talk to me or treat me in a way that is such utter BS. And the reason why, I think, is because I didn't love myself. I didn't realize everything I bring to the table. I don't need to be treated like queen of the world (just kidding, of course I do), but I do need to be treated with respect. Being able to feel like I can tell someone "look, that was really shitty and I don't appreciate being made to feel that way" is such a win for me. I want to scream it from the mountain tops. 

Bravery comes about in so many different ways. And it's something I've really worked on this last year. And the bravest I've ever felt was admitting, look, something is off balance here and putting myself on anxiety medication. I think, to the day I die, that will stand out as the bravest thing I've done. Because it shows me that I care about my mental well being more than the opinions of people who don't matter. 

Go forth and be brave, beauties! In whatever context you choose to do. You are wonderful human beings and I'm behind you 200%.