About to Get Real...

I hope you beauties had a wonderful weekend! I was lucky enough to start mine out with a long visit with a great girlfriend. You know, the kind of friend you can go months without seeing, but the second you're back together, it's like no time has passed at all? The best kinds of friends.

(Via Spirit Science)

It was so nice to unload and share things that I didn't even realize I was feeling. Incredibly cathartic, and hopefully, it will start allowing me to move forward without trying to take on everyone else's worries and problems; instead, focusing on my own. Our talk consisted of everything old friends chat and catch up about, but the one area that really struck me the most was about letting go, realizing that how hard I'm working at this plan I've got in my head, may be interfering with some other "greater" plan. Now, I've never been a deeply religious nor spiritual person. It's just never been something that I've had any kind of interest in or connection to. I suppose, there have been certain moments or occurrences in life that have made me go "WHAT IN THE SAM HELL WAS THAT?" but, never enough that I thought to go further into it. 

And, in case you haven't met me, I have a very hard time letting things go. I tend to internalize until it's just not healthy at all, and everything comes out in one absurdly emotional crescendo. I'm attempting to work on it, but it's something that's not going to happen overnight. However, hearing it worded in a way that I hadn't before, helped me to realize that while I can still work on the plan I have, that maybe there's also room for another plan. Perhaps I'm not getting these jobs for a reason, or I'm not meeting the love of my life right now because I'm just not ready yet. It really lets me look at my life from a different perspective and say "Okay, what do YOU really want? What's going to make YOU happy?" Because, I gotta tell you, unless you're making a concerted effort to focus on you and your happiness, the rest just isn't going to matter as much. 

The last few months, I've noticed myself detaching more and more from people and places. And each time, I think I need to offer an explanation. But, I don't. I go places or do things because I think it will make others happy, without any regard for whether it makes me happy. And that has got to change. I can't keep doing things for the sake of others, that's just BS. I feel that's a huge reason why my anxiety has been in such flux lately. I'm focusing on trying not to let others become upset with me instead of just saying, "You know what? Nah. This isn't something I want to do/see/share/crochet, " what have you. Hopefully, as I enter my 30's, 'no' is a word I'll become more familiar with and not be so afraid of. 

This has now gotten to be the size of a small novel. If you've made it this far -- congratulations! Have a wonderful start to your week and I promise the next post will be a bit more lighthearted. :)