Another Year Older....

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. The older you get, I know your birthday isn't supposed to really be as big of a deal, but for me, I've always loved it. And I hope I never stop loving it. It brings me such happiness and I almost feel 7 years old again. It's nice to feel that way when bills and work and life sometimes make you feel shitty.

Today was wonderful. The weather was BEAUTIFUL, I spent the day with my mama, shopping for books, getting Jimmy John's and a Pumpkin Spice Latte and enjoying Edwardsville's new annual International Food Festival in the library park. A low key day for entering the last year of my 20's.

  

Yesterday was the real celebration, spending the day at the Grafton wineries with some of my favorite women. It was nice to relax and just be. Not worry about anything at all. I wish I could say I'm going into 29 with some hard won wisdom. And 28 taught me a lot. All I do know is that I'm heading into the last year of my 20's surrounded with a lot of love and laughter and that's all we can really ask for, isn't it?

No funny sign off this time around, just a heartfelt thank you to all who took time out of their day to send wishes via text, Facebook, phone calls, Snapchat, or other forms of social media. You are all the cat's pajamas and I'm lucky my life is filled with people like you.

BeYOUtiful

Two days in a row, I'm back! :) While cruising the Internet today (that's a thing kids say, right?), I came across a quote that I fell in love with.

How wonderful is that? How thought provoking. It makes you think just how harshly you are judged on a daily basis, even if you're not aware of it. I'll admit, I'm guilty of thinking "What a terrible coat/sweater/feather boa" that person is wearing. But, to them it may hold some sentimental significance. To them, it might be the piece of clothing that makes them feel badass and ready to take on the world. Who am I to say that your clothing is terrible? Who am I to judge you for what makes you feel great about yourself? Unless you're in a chain mail dress. Than dude, I can't get on board. That train has left the station.

I've always struggled with being a person whose weight runs on the smaller side. But, I've never once felt judged by the people that matter, the people whose opinions I really give a damn about. And I've never once had a man tell me anything negative. Because, that shit would get him kicked to the damn curb. I've learned to curb those thoughts that I have when I walk by someone whose outfit isn't of my personal taste and instead choose to focus on something I like about them (those shoes are fantastic, your eyes are beautiful, I love your smile). So, the next time you're ready to judge someone for their outer appearance, turn that negative thought into something positive. You'll be glad you did :)

Also, I love what you're wearing right now. Get it, girl. (Or, dude). GET IT.

Happy Best Month of the Year!

I know, I know. Let's forget how terrible I am at this and move on, alright? It's been an interesting month, getting my body adjusted to my new medication and allowing myself to realize it's okay to ask for help if you need it. In light of Robin Williams' tragic death earlier last month, I'm becoming more of an advocate for better mental healthcare and taking care of yourself. Anxiety is something I live with, deal with, but it's not who I am. And it's not who you are either. You are a loved and beautiful human being with so much to offer the world. Remember that.

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Repeat the above words to yourself whenever you're feeling like there's not much good around, because I promise you there is. Just put your big kid pants on and look for it.

Anywho, it's now September! Can you believe it? And, in my humble opinion, the best month of the year. Though, I am a bit partial :) It's the last year of my 20's and I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that. I'm not scared of it, it's just surreal. Which I guess facing a new decade always is. Doesn't it feel like we should all still be 16? I mean, lots of things about your late 20's are GREAT: drinking wine in sweatpants, eating what you want when you want it, not having to go out to clubs anymore (not that I ever did, but you're picking up what I'm putting down), becoming more comfortable and confident in your own skin. It's just an odd thing to face. Good, but odd.

I'll try to be so much better about this now that I'm feeling more myself again. Hoping all of you are having a wonderful Labor Day weekend and a great start to a new month!

Honesty.

Hi! Remember me? Let's be friends again, mmmk? And I'm going to get us back on track by being SUPER honest with you. Seriously, truth bombs will be dropped all over the place.

I've always been a fairly anxious person. If fairly means incredibly. Since I was a kid, anxiety has cropped up in a myriad of different ways. It was always something that I thought would lessen with age. Not really how that works. In fact, it's only gotten worse with age. My anxiety has prevented me from doing things with friends, family, all kinds of things. And unless you've been there, you don't really understand it. There's so many different kinds of anxiety. It seemed that mine was mostly social. And within the last few months, that anxiety has reached heights I didn't think possible. Because you see, it's not just anxiety that I struggle with, there's bits of depression in there too.

I've always been so ashamed to admit that I would struggle with depression, because I thought admitting that showed weakness. I thought it showed that I wasn't strong, that I couldn't handle what life thought to throw my way. Up until very recently, I kept sweeping my feelings under the rug, telling myself there's nothing wrong, nothing to worry about. Than I had a terrible anxiety/panic attack (whatever you want to call it) a few weeks ago, which was my sign that things needed to change. I was sobbing uncontrollably, I felt out of control and not myself. There was always a small part of me that thought I should probably be taking medication to regulate my anxiety and to get it under control, but I never listened. Because again, admitting that would be admitting there was something wrong with me. And who wants to acknowledge their faults? But you know what? Realizing that you want to better yourself and take care of yourself is not a fault. It's a priority. Your physical, mental and emotional health are of the utmost importance. Like I always say, YOU DO YOU. Your health should not be placed on the back burner because you're embarrassed/ashamed, what have you. By putting yourself first, you're not only indicating that you care enough to give the most important person (yourself, if you didn't pick up on that) the best life possible, but that you care enough about the people in your life to give them the best you possible.

Today, I went and got myself a prescription for Paxil. I'm not going to hide behind it, I will own the hell out of it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. If you feel like something is a bit off, don't brush it aside. Don't ignore it. Listen to your gut. It won't steer you wrong, I promise.

Travel Tuesdays: A Bit of A Shakeup

Happy Tuesday, you beautiful unicorns. We're now halfway through the week! Jesus, it's nice to say that on a Tuesday. :) Normally, Tuesdays are Travel Tuesdays, but I wanted to shake it up a bit this week. We'll still be talking about travel (and next week, we'll get back to actual, physical locations), but today I wanted to delve a bit into traveling through life (I'm so deep and profound, I know).

I think I got my quarter life crisis a little late. It's hitting at an age when most people I know are already happily settled (whether in jobs, with families, what have you). For me, I always thought by the time I reached 28, I'd be married with at least one kid. No kids to speak of, and I'm fairly sure I'm not married (Vegas 4 years ago was a blur). In all honesty, I don't think I'm where I'm supposed to be. Physically, mentally, et al. I don't think I'm meant for small town Illinois. I don't think I'm meant to be a paralegal forever. The dreams I have for myself reach far and wide. Right now, I'm just traveling through life unaware of what I want to be when I grow up. I know with my deep love of reading and books, that publishing is a field that really speaks to me. And where are you going to find publishing companies? Big cities. I've always felt like more of a city girl than a country gal. The country has never done much for me. I love being able to go out and explore. Find restaurants, museums, little holes in the wall, bookstores that I can make my own.

It's becoming increasingly more difficult for me to keep telling myself I'm happy where I am. Because though I have a wonderful family and fantastic friends, my soul just doesn't feel right. And you have to do what makes your soul happy. Your life should be a journey that makes you happy and fulfills you. And while I'm very happy and fulfilled in terms of the people I surround myself with, I know there's more out there calling for me. I just need to go find it.

Tell me, are you traveling through your life the way you thought you would be 10 years ago?

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

You guys. I'm so sorry. I cannot believe it's been nearly a month since my last post. How have you lived without me for so long? ;)

In all seriousness, with today's Hobby Lobby decision and me being too fired up to even discuss it anymore, I just want to leave us all with this beautiful picture and let's all meet back here tomorrow for some traveling Tuesday delightfulness!

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I LOVE YOU. Monday's over yo, you made it!

Me Time

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I'm not the girliest lady in the world. I don't spend 2 hours in front of the mirror making sure my hair looks like I belong in a Pantene commercial or worrying if my eyeliner has been put on to perfection. Those things have never interested me, and look, they never will. I've just never been Brenda Beauty Queen (that's a thing, right? It should be. Someone get on that YA novel IMMEDIATELY). I am however, a big advocate for taking time of yourself. Making sure that you're in tune with what your body and mind are telling you. This weekend, to celebrate Mama's 50th, we went to get manicures and I decided to also get my eyebrows done, because they were looking very Peter Gallagher-esque. Like I said above, I tend to be pretty low maintenance in the beauty department (usually some mascara and lip gloss, because look dudes, you're going to see me without it anyway, why not get a head start?). Wardrobe wise is different, in fact I'm incredibly high maintenance in that department. Girl likes to look put together (for the most part).

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I have a point, I swear. I'll get to it. Sometimes I'm very long winded, I feel like the stories I tell my grandkids will last a week and a half. My point being, I forgot how fun it is to sometimes let yourself enjoy the girly things, the manicures, the pedicures, et al. It's nice to pamper yourself and enjoy some downtime. Also, has someone invented a Booze and Brows shop yet? Because I would frequent the hell out of that place. Get on it, America.

Being an only child, I'm quite used to being on my own and it's something I LOVE. Which people don't seem to understand. People think I'm being rude and anti-social (and in some cases, I am. I'll own it), but for the most part, I just prefer being with a book and a glass of wine with no one else's company but my own. I don't have to listen to drama, I don't have to listen to the same story for the 567th time. I'm incredibly selective in who I choose to surround myself with and for good reason. I just want funny, kind, intelligent, good hearted people in my life, and when you don't meet my criteria, I tend to back off. Which, I'm sure is totally healthy and Freud would have a field day with me.

Look, if you can't enjoy yourself and love who you are, how do you expect anyone else too? How do you expect anyone to be able to care for you and love you, if you don't do those things first? It has taken me a looooong time and it's still something I'm working on. I absolutely refuse to apologize for the standards I have set for myself and for others in my life. And you shouldn't either. Own yourself, be proud of who you are.

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Happy start to the week, unicorns. Don't ever settle!