Last night was, of course, the Oscars, and I loved everything about it (thank you to my Aunt Lori and Uncle Beav for hosting a wonderful party!). I thought Neil Patrick Harris did a wonderful job; Lady Gaga's Sound of Music medley was beautiful and wonderful; the fashions were on point; but, most importantly, the speeches were so heartfelt. There was one in particular that really stood out for me. Graham Moore, who won for Best Adapted Screenplay for The Imitation Game (which I'm hoping to see this week), used his time to praise those who feel as though they may be weird or different.
Stay with me, because things might take a turn for the emotional. First, please watch the speech in full. My words won't be able to do it justice.
Growing up, I was weird. I was different. I was made fun of because I was skinny, because I didn't wear lots of make up, because I wore glasses. I never felt like I fit in with anyone. Sure, I had friends. But, I never felt like I had that one specific set of friends that is always a constant in your life at that time. I felt that way for longer than I care to admit (well into my 20's. WELL INTO THEM). For me, I think it started in middle school (and to this day, if anyone tells me they weren't awkward at 14, I punch them in the throat). I never felt like I belonged, never felt that I had anything to really offer. I'll be honest with you, I'm almost 30 and have never once, been in a successful long term relationship. What that says about me, I don't know that I really care to know.
I write posts like this because I want people to know that it gets better. When you feel like you don't have anything to offer, when you feel like you don't belong, it sucks. It is a terrible, gut wrenching feeling. I'm not kidding -- now, when people tell me that they think I'm funny or that they want to hang out with me, it actually blows my mind. I want to say, "are you sure?" I'm still awkward, I'm still weird, I'm still different. But now, I own it. I own the shit out of it. I realize that I have something very specific to offer the universe (new age-y I know, BEAR WITH ME). I'm here because there's something only I can do, something only I can offer. And the same is true of every single person on this planet. We're all just trying our best to get through this life, whether we use Jesus, booze, or books to help us with that. Being and weird and different is such a blessing.
It has taken me nearly all of my 20's to be comfortable with myself, to own what 15 years ago, mortified me. And honestly, if people are making fun of you because you're not wearing the right shirt or shoes, then screw them. Surround yourself with people who want the best for you and lift you to be the best version of yourself that you can. I preach this so much, and there's a reason. I know this post is quickly becoming novel length, but it's so important. It's so important that you realize how special you are. Everyone that is reading this makes me so happy and delighted, and fills my heart with such love (especially if you've made it this far! Congrats!).
I have written this through a cloud of tears (and maybe a shot or two of vodka. I SAID MAYBE!). Getting in touch with my younger self is not something I do too often, because 14 year old Tara was not kind to herself. Exposing myself like this is incredibly rough, but if it helps even one person realize their weirdness is a blessing, than I will tear my heart open every day (figuratively, of course. I'm not a monster). It's so important to use our time here to be kind to each other. To realize that we don't ever know what's really going on with someone else. The best we can do is offer a helping hand.
It's important that you never let anyone change who you really are, deep down inside, that person you are when you're alone. Because that person is wonderful and smart and beautiful and has a lot to offer.
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