Anywho, onwards and upwards. My family has a saying we're quite fond of: Illegitimi Non Carborundum, or "Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down." I find myself, especially lately, repeating it to myself on a near daily basis. Because I don't know if you know this, people can be mean. Vicious. Cruel. And negative. And I've decided lately, that negativity has no place in my life (honestly, when DOES negativity have a place in any of our lives, really?). But, you're picking up what I'm putting down. I've dealt with the cruelty and rudeness nearly all my life, on account of comments about my weight. So, while I'm used to it, it never hurts any less. Seriously, you guys. I don't think people understand that my weight is, and probably always will be, a source of contention for me. I know that I have chicken legs, a body that will never look like Heidi Klum's, but I'll get close to a place of acceptance and some dickbag will come along and blow that out of the water. We don't know what people are struggling with internally, so why are we so quick to jump on them for external appearances or what have you? Can I tell you that I'm 28 years old and will STILL come home and cry because some jerk thought he was being funny with a weight joke? I'm working on getting to a place where I can just walk away and say "FUCK YOU." And I am getting there. Slowly but surely. But, my 12 year old self who is still in there and fragile and emotional, gets her feelings hurt. As I think we all would. People need to understand that when you make fun of someone for their small stature, it does just as much hurt as it does making fun of someone for having a bigger frame. It still hurts my feelings. You're not paying me a compliment, you're insulting me and making it look like a compliment. We all have enough to deal with in life without the added on insults of insecure people. BE NICE, MAN. Where you might find yourself making some rash insult/comment, try complimenting that person instead ("That shirt is such a great color on you! Paint with all the colors of the wind! Your smile is bewitiching!"). Taking that time to be positive will come back to you in spades. I promise you.
Negative people in general have no place in my life. I'm at such a precarious time of my life. I'm not sure what I want to do, where I want to go. So, it's important to me to spend my time and surround myself with positive, loving people. People with their own dreams and ambitions. People who are intelligent and well-educated and love a good whiskey cocktail. People who won't make me feel like I can't get a word in edge wise about what's going on in my life. It's give and take. I've made some changes with friends in the last few months, that I think will probably continue to change. And it's done nothing but serve me for the better. There are a few girlfriends, that I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER MET, who I feel closer to than some people that should be my close friends. Is that weird? We text, Facebook all the time, and I tell you these girls are my spirit animals. Isn't it funny how life works itself out?
Like I said above, this place will continue to be delightful and full of humor. But, I wanted to take today to just speak my truth a bit. I know I preach positivity so much, I probably am starting to sound like a broken record, but...DEAL WITH IT. Because, and I kid you not, Thursday afternoon, I got in the car to run some errands and just had a quick pep talk with myself before I left (am I the only one who does that? Bueller? Bueller?). I took a few deep breaths, told myself everything would be alright, things will work out, and the very next day, things did! I'm not saying there's a direct correlation, but I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that positive thoughts yield positive results.
Tomorrow I'm back in full force with a couple of new ideas and I hope you'll stick around! Enjoy the rest of your weekend and get out and enjoy the sun before these coming storms land us all in Oz. :)
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